The Hustle of Sistah Ant

Mister Ant and I are getting married.  This house we are moving into will be our first marital home.  We will pick it out together with both of our desires in mind.

But when we sit down at the closing table, I will be the only one signing documents.  My name will be the only name on the mortgage.  My name will be the only name on the title.  This is because I have a good credit score, and he doesn’t.  I make enough by myself to qualify for a loan to afford the kind of house we want, so I am buying our house.  We agreed on this a long time ago when things started getting serious and we first started to talk about dreams, finances, and credit.  I already had my sights set on buying a house before we met, so it was my dream.  But as we got serious about a future together, and we began to fold our lives into each other’s, my dream became our dream.

Now for the obvious questions:

Why not wait until you get married?

Whether we will be married when we get the house is still up in the air, but that’s what we both want.  Weddings and receptions can be expensive.  We want to elope, but we don’t want to be selfish towards our families.  If we can figure out a way to elope for an affordable ceremony that includes our closest family members, we might be married by the time we get into the house.  We can worry about a reception later.  Even if we do get married beforehand, though, we will not include his credit history and income in the analysis, because we’ll come out better if we just use my numbers.

Why not wait until his credit score gets better?

Because it takes years to rehab a credit score and we don’t have that kind of time.  Did I tell you about the leaky ceiling?  The rotten neighbors?  The lazy landlord?  Our desire to build equity in a property and have a house paid off by retirement?

Are you the only one putting up money towards the house?  What will Mister Ant contribute?

I have saved the bulk of the down payment, closing costs, and expenses.  This is because I make more money and can save it quicker.  He is saving for my engagement ring, moving costs, and additional money for emergencies.  He will also share in household maintenance, utilities, and the mortgage once we are in the house.

Doesn’t it bother you that you make more and that his credit isn’t as good as yours?

Not really, but I did have some long internal conversations about whether it mattered, especially to him, when we were starting to get serious.  I was never one of those that had a list of possessions or a net worth requirement for a man.  I’ve always wanted someone I could be happy with.  And I’ve always felt that I have the luxury of coupling for love because I followed my mom’s advice and learned how to take care of myself financially.  If anyone should be bothered that I make more money, it’s him, and he is okay with it - not resentful, not domineering in other ways, not trying hard to prove he’s not a kept man, nothing like that.  We share things in a fair way - we talked out an arrangement for handling our bills and expenses that makes us both feel comfortable.  Many of the stereotypes I hear about what happens in relationships in which women make more are stupid, in my opinion.  But then again, Mister Ant is an exceptional person.  Anyway, he has gotten two raises, one of which came with a promotion, since meeting me.  He has cleaned up his old debts, just like I was cleaning up mine when I started this blog.  And if we decide to get a second home, by then his credit will be as good as mine is now.  It just so happens that I picked a profession that is more lucrative than his, so my financial progress so far has been faster than his.  He is a frugal saver who doesn’t spend more than he earns and he, and we, will be just fine.

How can you call it "our" house when you’re the one on the title and the mortgage?

‘Cause it is our house.  We are working as a team to get it.  We will live in it together.  And, see my very first paragraph above.  We will make it clear on the title, as we get past closing, that Mister Ant has an ownership interest in the house.

What if y’all break up?

We will be signing a legal agreement - a house-nup, if you will - that protects each of us from getting shafted by the other if we break up.  I had a cousin who bought a house with his fiancee.  They never married, and then a flagrant mess ensued because they had no plan B.  Mister Ant and I will use the services of a disinterested/impartial lawyer (not me or any of my friends) to make sure that we have a Plan B in place.  But of course, none of that matters, because we aren’t breaking up.  We are very happy together.

That’s about it.  Comment away!

I really like the money I’m making now.  There’s so much of it, and it comes every week!  A year or two ago now, a $500 tax bill would have really been hard to deal with.  But now, with a little extra knowledge, and all this money, reducing and then simply paying my tax bill is no sweat.

Where am I going to work after this, and will I be able to get this much money?  Every job I’ve ever taken has paid me more than the previous job.  What if the job market is so tight that I won’t be able to get the same amount of money or more when this project is over?  

And if I AM able to put away enough money to start shopping for a house, how am I going to get approved for a mortgage without having a permanent job?  And how will I build my savings back up quickly enough to have an adequate savings cushion to feel comfortable taking on a mortgage obligation?

And with all of this focus on the house, how in the world are we going to have enough money to have even the simple wedding that I want?

I’ve been doing great so far, despite a weird economy and having been laid off a few months ago.  But just because I’ve gotten rid of all my revolving debt, doesn’t mean that I don’t have financial concerns.  My net worth is still tens of thousands below zero.  I still have student loans and a car payment.  A mortgage will still add to my liabilities, even though it will be secured debt.  And I still don’t have enough money in my retirement savings.  My financial journey is far from being over.  I thought I wouldn’t have much to talk about once I became revolving-debt-free, but I was wrong - there is so much more on my horizon.

Had a nice, nice holiday season. Home with the folks the weekend before Christmas.  Back home to my place by Christmas.  New Year’s at a friend’s house.  Good times!  Hope you had a great holiday as well.

So this is what I’m excited about this year.  I’m getting a new job.  I’m aiming to host my parents at my house in the next holiday season - in a house I’ve been dreaming about owning for years!   MY name on the deed.  MINE from roof to basement subfloor - wall to wall - fence to fence!  Makes me smile just thinking about it.  Even though it didn’t happen last year, I will be totally free of all credit card debt in this year for certain.  I will continue to pay my car note faster than the value of my car will depreciate.  My net worth will climb by $10,000 at the very least.  My retirement savings will grow.  My wedding savings will grow.

It’s gonna be great!

The question is, how am I going to get there?  It’s actually very much like last year, in which my net worth grew by over $10K. 

• First, I’m getting a new job so I can get some real income and keep my savings out of jeopardy.
• I’m going to sign up for whatever retirement package my new employer offers.
• Next, I’m going to use the IRS withholding calculator (thanks, Single Ma) so that my money stays with me instead of getting loaned at no cost to the government.  I don’t want to overpay in taxes.
• After that, the goal is to automate my goals as much as possible (thanks again, Single Ma).  That means making contributions to my 401K, my IRA, and my "My Own Home" savings account with ING automatically, either through my employer’s payroll, from my credit union account, or with a combination of both methods.
• At each pay period, I’ll do the math to see how much money is left in my account after my savings goals and bills - and I’ll hold onto a little mad money after putting the rest towards debt reduction and savings for the house.
• I will not put anything on a credit card that I can’t completely pay off at the end of that billing period.
• I will keep my eyes open for opportunities to boost my income, such as making money from my hobbies.

That’s it.  The game plan is pretty simple, but I know from the last several months that it will take a goal-oriented mindset and discipline.  There will be temptations, like getting that video game system I had a chance to play with over the holidays.  I’m going to need to do some clothes shopping.  I’m very tempted to use my passport in the new year.  I’m not saying I can’t do these things.  It’s just that they’ll have to come lower on my priority list than my other, more important goals, and I’ll have to take my time to save for these things instead of just buying them outright at the expense of my goals.   The key is to plan ahead. 

Here’s to hoping that you have your own plan and will work it into financial prosperity!  Happy New Year! 

This week’s question on Wise Bread is, "What would you do with a million dollars?" 

Here’s my response:

Financial things on my mind lately:

I sure hope I can lift up my salary at least by 10K in the next 6 months…

I really want to start investing.  Now.  But I think it’s better to wait until I’m out of credit card debt.  I just want to increase my assets - it’s great that my liabilities are shrinking, but my assets need to grow too.  Speaking of which…

I have to sit down and reconfigure my paycheck, given next month’s new 401K contributions… I need to hit up the IRS’s withholding calculator and decide how much I feel comfortable diverting directly to my savings account once the change happens.

It’s good that I’ve set up my bill pay, but I still have to have my auto debits for student loans,  insurance, and EZPass switched to my credit union account so I can finally move my direct deposit there and dump my stupid $200-minimum-but-we-won’t-pay-you-interest bank.

Dang.  Bus token prices are going up.  Gotta figure out how or if I should change my transportation withholding. 

Time to start Christmas shopping.  I hate malls after Thanksgiving.  I have no idea what I’m getting anyone (except my baby), but if anyone asks me what I want, it’s cold hard cash for next year’s down payment on the house.  I’d like to make gifts, but there’s only so much crocheting/knitting my fingers and attention span can take.

I wonder if there’s an easy way to make money on the jackets, suits, dresses and shoes I’ve decided I’m not keeping anymore since I never wear them and probably never will again.  (I hate holding on to stuff that just takes up space for no good reason.)

Sheesh, I haven’t put anything to the side for the wedding yet.  I should, huh?  I will, just… I’m doing so many other things right now.   

This is just a note of gratitude for my financial state.  I believe this life is because God has blessed me.  I believe my job is to be a good steward and use my wealth to be a blessing to others.  Right now, I am almost $80,000 in debt.  But I am blessed.  I’ve been paid, and with that money, I’ve paid everyone I owe money to this month.  I am not in arrears on any account I have.  No one is calling me, intimidating me, trying to get me to pay them something I owe them.  My utilities are not at risk of being shut off.  My refrigerator and cupboards are full of nutritious food.  I can afford to go to the gym and keep my body in good health.  I don’t have to ask my family members to help me carry my expenses, even though I know they would if I ever had to ask them to.  My clothes are clean and pressed, and I have enough to mix and match so that I’m not embarrassed at work.  I have a job!  In a matter of weeks, I’ll be able to start saving in a 401K for retirement.  I am paying my debt by leaps and bounds - with hundreds of dollars at a time.  And still I have money left to go to the beach or visit relatives, or like yesterday, eat tacos for lunch!  I am blessed.  I can dream about paying off debts, about accumulating savings, about buying a home of my own, about being an asset to a happy marriage, about raising healthy, happy, intelligent, inquisitive children…  I believe I can live my dreams.  Not everyone can say these things, and but for the grace of God, I wouldn’t be able to, either.  This is a good life - a very, very, good life, and I am rich.  Almost $80,000 in (shrinking) debt, but rich beyond measure.

Yes, I like cable.  It is better than bunny-ears’ channel selection and better than bunny-ears’ reception.  I like having entertainment channels, watching do-it-yourself shows, catching movies, and seeing my favorite shows from the 70s and 80s late at night.  I would rather have cable than not have cable, it’s true.  But I don’t pay for cable.  I haven’t in over a year.  I didn’t have it at all in college, once I got my first apartment, and once I did manage to get it a few years ago, I kept calling to turn the service off.  Of course, the cable company kept offering me deals to keep it on, and I did… until I moved to another city and they tried to charge me $60 a month for basic, non-digital cable with no box (which they claim is now mandatory.)  That was the end.  They offered me digital for a lower introductory price, but I don’t want a low introductory price.  It’s designed to get me hooked into the higher price later, so forgettaboutit - that’s out.  Now, I was lucky in my current apartment - when I plugged my TV into the wall, there was basic service on already.  Who am I to argue with fate?  I watch it, instead of struggling with bunny ears.

But that shall soon end.

I’m moving in with my honey to save money for the house, and nowhere in "save money" do I hear "pay for cable."  He has bunny-ears.  He feels the same way I do.  He uses the neighbors’ wi-fi for internet, just like I do.  He doesn’t keep a house phone, because a cell phone gets the job done justfinethankyou, just like I do.  A man after my own heart.  We will split the low rent on his one bedroom apartment, plus electric, gas and the food we cook - this will save me an additional $300 monthly after the storage fees on my stuff.  I will promptly add this savings to my credit card debt payments until that’s paid, and then once it is paid (even faster than I’d planned), I’ll use the money I was using to pay debt to put together a down payment.  Meanwhile, he will be using his savings on rent and utilities to clean up his debt and *ahem* get me my jewelry.

The question then, is whether I’d rather get all this accomplished later, rather than sooner, by spending $100 a month plus taxes and fees for cable, internet and house phone.  The answer is a vehement NO! Say it with me: Every little bit helps.  I am happy saving the money - this $1,200 a year - because I’d rather be married in my own home than watching Sanford and Son late at night in a rented apartment with a naked ring finger.

I think it’s funny how I’ll see something I want and immediately think to myself, "After the house."  Yes, the house is my big goal right now, but once I get my hands on it, the hustle doesn’t stop there.  I’ll need to replenish and enlarge my savings, I’ll still have debt for student loans and my car, and let’s not forget the obvious - a brand spankin’ new mortgage.  Not to mention that at some point I ought to start fully funding Roth retirement accounts.  Then there’s life events - marriage, children, emergencies, etc.  Then mundane things like paint, curtains, carpet, furniture, replacement appliances…  Life is expensive.

It’s really easy to think that once I hit my big goal, I’ll be free to do all the things I’ve been sacrificing thus far to get there, like cable, vacations, massages, pedicures, clothes shopping, shoe shopping, eating out… I could go on.  But I don’t think that’s a realistic assumption considering the fact that life goes on, and so do grown-up expenses, which just keep getting more and more numerous.  This is a never-ending journey.  I will always have to be vigilant with my money.  I will probably always need to fit one goal or another in my budg - spending plans.

Still though, it is comforting to whisper, "After the house," when I see someone wearing a nice pair of shoes, or I think about going to the Caribbean like other people do.  It’s not exactly a lie.  It’s just not exactly about instantly going shopping after the closing on my house, either.

I just received a wedding invitation over the weekend.  Now I knew this wedding was coming, but I wasn’t apprised of the date until I received the invitation.  The wedding is on the 25th of this month.  I also didn’t know that going to this wedding would require a road trip to Maryland.  In addition, there was an insert in the invitation that advised that the couple has not registered for any gifts, but monetary gifts would be appreciated.

A few problems here:

Some people, myself included, need more than two weeks’ notice before a roadtrip that will likely require the expenses of eating out and filling the gas tank, because they budget a month at a time, not paycheck-by-paycheck.  Luckily for me, this is a special month where I get three paychecks instead of two.  This gives me enough flexibility to make attending this wedding possible.

Finally, I’ve heard from both sides on the argument of whether or not couples should ask for money or gifts in their wedding invitations.  To my friends’ credit, the request was not on the actual invitation.  It was on a small card inserted into the envelope.  That said, I have no plans to give the couple a monetary gift, and I am a little peeved that I should feel pressured to do so, though I’m sure that’s not the couple’s intention.  However, that is the effect a request for a monetary gift has, especially when it’s put together with the admonition that they haven’t registered, so you "can’t get them a gift."  The problem isn’t cheapness.  The problem is that I’m halfway into the month already, and there is no line item in my budget for "give friends cash for their wedding."  What flexibility I do have is going towards the gas it will take to get there and back, and a very pretty drugstore card, since they don’t want gifts.  Otherwise, I would be sacrificing fiscal discipline and debt repayment, which are very important to me.  However, if I’m able to carpool with other friends, I may be able to free up some money for a monetary gift, if I cave in and don’t refuse to do so on principle. (I will probably cave.)

Lessons learned:

When I get married, I will save the date at least 3-6 months in advance with my guests, and let them know if special travel or lodging will be necessary by letting them know the location at that time.  Because I would also rather not register for stuff that would clutter my house (my parents got three toasters 33 years ago), I will also put an insert in my invitation that will read something like this: "In lieu of gifts, the bride and groom only request the treasured gift of your presence."  Some people will still give gifts or money if they feel like it, whether or not I register, and even if I say this, but maybe I’ll get less stuff (and maybe even more money) in the process.  Plus, I’ll manage to not look like I’m panhandling my guests.

So I’m already thinking about making another progress bar specifically for my wedding.  It seems like when most other people decide to get married, they pull together what money they have at that time, and budget with what they have.  Or get into debt.  That seems backwards to me - I want to anticipate costs, then save that much and use the savings.  But I need to know what my goal is so that I can shoot for it.

I told my honey that we are not allowed to use debt to finance our wedding at all.  And if that means we have something small, so be it. I never wanted a lavish, extravagant, ice sculpture, 7 tiered cake, 10 piece band, Hummer limousine, grand chandelier kind of shindig.  My bare minimum requirements are an outside ceremony and the presence of my parents, grandmother, and his immediate family.  Anything beyond that is totally negotiable/expendable.  But I know that it’s nicer to try to include extended family members, close friends, etc.  I’m already kicking and screaming at the possible cost.  I alone have more than 10 aunts and uncles.  Extrapolate that out into cousins and significant others/spouses.  Then select college friends, sorority sisters, friends since college… now we’re talking a village, and I haven’t even counted his family.  Do I look like Smurfette?  I can’t have enough Smurfberries to take care of that many people without serious, serious bank.  And it would take forever to save enough to have that kind of money.  I have to find a tactful way to keep this sucker small, and I gotta figure this out if I want to know how much to save.

My parents were married in an aunt’s back yard out in the country.  It was a sunny day.  They had dozens of chairs from the church, a lattice made by an uncle with flowers weaved into the lattice, a bouquet, a simple dress and rented tux, and a family-made soul food buffet (not some old dry bland hotel chicken and string beans, which I’ve eaten twice in the past year), which was served out of the dining room.  They paid the pastor his honorarium, and when the ceremony was over, they went home to their apartment and had drinks with their friends.   And they lived happily ever after for the past 33 years.  The End.  I hear that back in the day, this was generally how people did it - or at least their receptions, after they left the church ceremony.

This week, I’m thinking something like that would make me happy.  My honey says he doesn’t care, even if it’s the courthouse, as long as it’s with me, so I pretty much have carte blanche.  I wonder how much the back yard thing would cost today.  I am really thinking that’s the way to go.  Hmm… Plus a honeymoon… I have a few family members with big enough back yards.  My future mother-in-law has one, too.  I think I’ll run a rough draft plan for a wedding like that and that will be my savings goal.  Then I can tell my parents and my honey and we can work together to make it happen.