whose hoooouse? ant’s hoooouse!
Mister Ant and I are getting married. This house we are moving into will be our first marital home. We will pick it out together with both of our desires in mind.
But when we sit down at the closing table, I will be the only one signing documents. My name will be the only name on the mortgage. My name will be the only name on the title. This is because I have a good credit score, and he doesn’t. I make enough by myself to qualify for a loan to afford the kind of house we want, so I am buying our house. We agreed on this a long time ago when things started getting serious and we first started to talk about dreams, finances, and credit. I already had my sights set on buying a house before we met, so it was my dream. But as we got serious about a future together, and we began to fold our lives into each other’s, my dream became our dream.
Now for the obvious questions:
Why not wait until you get married?
Whether we will be married when we get the house is still up in the air, but that’s what we both want. Weddings and receptions can be expensive. We want to elope, but we don’t want to be selfish towards our families. If we can figure out a way to elope for an affordable ceremony that includes our closest family members, we might be married by the time we get into the house. We can worry about a reception later. Even if we do get married beforehand, though, we will not include his credit history and income in the analysis, because we’ll come out better if we just use my numbers.
Why not wait until his credit score gets better?
Because it takes years to rehab a credit score and we don’t have that kind of time. Did I tell you about the leaky ceiling? The rotten neighbors? The lazy landlord? Our desire to build equity in a property and have a house paid off by retirement?
Are you the only one putting up money towards the house? What will Mister Ant contribute?
I have saved the bulk of the down payment, closing costs, and expenses. This is because I make more money and can save it quicker. He is saving for my engagement ring, moving costs, and additional money for emergencies. He will also share in household maintenance, utilities, and the mortgage once we are in the house.
Doesn’t it bother you that you make more and that his credit isn’t as good as yours?
Not really, but I did have some long internal conversations about whether it mattered, especially to him, when we were starting to get serious. I was never one of those that had a list of possessions or a net worth requirement for a man. I’ve always wanted someone I could be happy with. And I’ve always felt that I have the luxury of coupling for love because I followed my mom’s advice and learned how to take care of myself financially. If anyone should be bothered that I make more money, it’s him, and he is okay with it - not resentful, not domineering in other ways, not trying hard to prove he’s not a kept man, nothing like that. We share things in a fair way - we talked out an arrangement for handling our bills and expenses that makes us both feel comfortable. Many of the stereotypes I hear about what happens in relationships in which women make more are stupid, in my opinion. But then again, Mister Ant is an exceptional person. Anyway, he has gotten two raises, one of which came with a promotion, since meeting me. He has cleaned up his old debts, just like I was cleaning up mine when I started this blog. And if we decide to get a second home, by then his credit will be as good as mine is now. It just so happens that I picked a profession that is more lucrative than his, so my financial progress so far has been faster than his. He is a frugal saver who doesn’t spend more than he earns and he, and we, will be just fine.
How can you call it "our" house when you’re the one on the title and the mortgage?
‘Cause it is our house. We are working as a team to get it. We will live in it together. And, see my very first paragraph above. We will make it clear on the title, as we get past closing, that Mister Ant has an ownership interest in the house.
What if y’all break up?
We will be signing a legal agreement - a house-nup, if you will - that protects each of us from getting shafted by the other if we break up. I had a cousin who bought a house with his fiancee. They never married, and then a flagrant mess ensued because they had no plan B. Mister Ant and I will use the services of a disinterested/impartial lawyer (not me or any of my friends) to make sure that we have a Plan B in place. But of course, none of that matters, because we aren’t breaking up. We are very happy together.
That’s about it. Comment away!
Looks like you answered most of the questions we would have thought to ask. I’m happy for you and wish you and Mr. Ant the best.
Thanks!
Comment by S23 — September 12, 2008 @ 11:10 am
Ditto. It’s great to see how well you two have thought through this and are planning accordingly.
Thanks!
Comment by GeckoGirl — September 12, 2008 @ 1:08 pm
a house-nup- LOL
What if y’all break up? - kick him to the curve~ LOL
Girl you came a long way, I’m glad you have the house !!
Wait! Wait! We don’t have it yet! LOL! I guess I’m guilty of speaking as though things already are the way I hope for them to be… that’s one of those habits of faith that I have…
Comment by Moneymonk — September 12, 2008 @ 1:24 pm
Hi Sistah Ant, I just found you through Network IQ, love your blog. I can totally see where you’re coming from but from the other side - my boyfriend has better finances than me and I am afraid of looking like a mooch if/when we move in together. He just bought a place. But as long as you have a plan and you love each other, it’s no one else’s biz.
Thanks for coming through, glad you liked the visit! Don’t worry about the mooch label - look, every couple has some disparity in income. And besides, you’re a PF blogger - you’re writing your way into better finances…
Comment by Sallie's Niece — September 12, 2008 @ 3:29 pm
Hey Sistah Ant,
I think you guys have chosen the infinitely more sensible position in buying the house. Quite a few of my friends bought a house before they were married and did the house-nup thing. As you say, it’s not that you plan to break up but you are mired in a bit of a sticky situation should the unforeseen happen.
That’s the goal - sensible, sensible, sensible.
Comment by Scribbles — September 12, 2008 @ 5:18 pm
It’s so cool to see you discussed finances already and agreed on a plan of attack! Ya just hear so many stories about divorces that started with finance disagreements. Personally I wouldn’t be comfy with a 5k emergency fund and a house with the maintenance (surprises, ha) that comes with it but seeing as your plan is so well thought out maybe you’ve already accounted for this
I see what you’re saying, Emily. I don’t think that $5,000 is enough, either. We will at least double that amount once we get into the house before tackling any other financial goals. In the meantime, neither of us are carrying any credit card debt. If necessary, we can use our credit to help pull ourselves through a jam if the initial $5,000 won’t do the job. In addition, skimping on adequate insurance coverage is not an option, and warranties are our friends.
Comment by Emily — September 13, 2008 @ 10:02 am
Thank you for writing this series of posts that discuss buying a house. I’m thinking of buying a house and stories like yours are a great resource.
I love reading others’ experiences too - it can be very helpful to know what other people are learning and doing. Good luck with your decision making and eventual home buying process!
Comment by BW — September 14, 2008 @ 11:01 am
I think for regular pre-nups, both parties have to have their own lawyer in order for it to be legal. That way if there’s a problem later on, no one can say, “well, the lawyer wasn’t representing my interests, so it isn’t fair.”
And I think in some states, you also have to make sure that the pre-nup is put together and signed a certain amount of time before the wedding, to prove that it was the result of considered decision and not rushed or coerced.
A “house-nup” might have different guidelines, but I would think that at least having two lawyers– one for you and one for him– sounds like a good precaution.
It generally works best when each party to an agreement is represented by their own attorney. That said, in our case, it’s a little different. I didn’t really flesh out the story behind this house-nup idea, and I still won’t, because I don’t want anything from this blog being misunderstood to be legal advice. But in fact, I was the one who advised Mister Ant to get his own attorney to represent his interests. I am capable of representing my own. As always, everyone’s situation is different.
Comment by Carrie — September 14, 2008 @ 3:07 pm