buyer beware
I was talking with my other best friend over the weekend, and she wanted to know how much we were putting down on the house. Now I love this girl dearly, but she is not one of the folks who can keep private information private, and she tells her entire family and many of her friends whatever you tell her. I know this because I know too much about her family and friends. LOL! I’m not sure I want everyone who’s known me since my preteen years to talk and debate about how much our house cost or how we went about purchasing it. It’s none of their business, and it’s bound to end in someone saying something stupid.
In response to her question, I told her, "About 10% at the closing table." It was my attempt to answer her question while subtly expressing that the matter is too private for me to give her those types of details.
She didn’t get the hint. (Either that, or she didn’t heed the hint.)
She pressed further. "Well how much are the houses you’re looking at.? Here, I was faced with a choice. I could either tell her what she wanted to know, or I could find a way to express to her that something in my life is none of her business for the first time ever in 16 years, which is something neither of us in our open-book relationship has ever done before.
I gave her a range of home prices.
I was promptly rewarded for choosing the wrong option with this question, asked in entirely the wrong tone: "What kind of house can you get for that amount?"
Thinking as quickly as I wish I had before I gave her the numbers, I decided to take the high road instead of giving her what for. (I’d always wanted to use "giving what for" in context! I am such a geek…) I told her I could actually get a three bedroom home in a safe area of my city for that amount. She let it go, but I didn’t.
There was the pep talk I had to give myself on not worrying about what other people, including all her friends and family will think, not if, but when this information makes the rounds. There was the need to chastise myself for punking out and disclosing information that I wasn’t comfortable disclosing, even if it was my best friend. There was also a lesson to be learned from all this: I need to beware talking about the house, despite my enthusiasm, until I resolve how I’m going to shut down questions about my actual numbers. I forgive her for her nosiness and her last question - in the past, we’ve always been able to be that frank. But I see that now as we forge farther into adulthood that the dynamic of our relationship may need to change.
As a matter of fact, I’ve got a new category all about this topic, "Money and Relationships." People need to talk about the occasional taboos and faux pas and boundaries associated with how money affects us. So why not me?
