angst
I am not even sure if angst is the right word… but I’m "feeling some type of way" about my spending. I want to buy my parents (really my Mom) the video game system I have, ‘cause she played with the one Mister Ant and I have and she loves it. Plus, Mothers’ Day is coming up and I’m thinking that should be the weekend we travel to go see my folks. But it’s sooooo expensive. By the time you get finished buying the console and joystick (oops, I’m showing my age) controller, plus another controller (so my Dad can play too) and maybe one more game… sheesh - that’s hundreds of dollars. I’m supposed to be saving for a house.
And did I mention yet that I’m going on a trip? A couple girlfriends and I are planning to hop on a plane and split a room in New Orleans on Fourth of July weekend for a concert series - it’s something I’ve always wanted to do but never did because I was being frugal and couldn’t afford to pay for it outright. That will run me hundreds of dollars. And um… I’m supPOSED to be saving for a house.
When Single Ma was saving for her house, she didn’t even fool with Christmas presents. Here I am wanting to give my mama the world, and fly off into the sunset like I’m making money. I am making money, but it’s not Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous money. I’m still in a contracting (read: temp) position.
Part of me is saying, "Girl, spend it. Spend it! You NEVER do anything like this, and you can’t pretend you don’t resent that everybody else gets to travel but you. Thirty is coming, marriage is coming, babies are coming and you need to have some fun while you still can, and be generous while you can still afford it. Do it, get it out of your system, have yourself a good time, and then come back to Philly and be a good girl for the rest of the year."
Of course the other part of me is saying, "Girl, DON’T. Just don’t, because you KNOW better. You’ve waited all this time, another year ain’t gonna kill you. You want this house more than anything else and you’ve sacrificed so much to get it. It’s going to take that much longer before you will be able to afford the house if you don’t give a less expensive gift. And even though you’ve already committed to the trip, it’s still early enough to back out."
I think both of me are right. I’m guessing my solution lies somewhere in between. I’ll likely go on the trip - I just want it and I’m not backing out, period, end of discussion. But I’ll set an allowance for my expenses - I’m good with allowances. My mommy can wait on the video game system - she hasn’t even asked me for it so she won’t be disappointed to not get it. I can figure out something else to get for her and she’ll be none the wiser. Plus, I have no idea how to match that caliber of gift for my dad for Father’s Day even if I could.
That said, any money that I spend on gifts, or trips, or shoes - anything discretionary - is money that could otherwise have gone to the My Own Home account. And I’d hate to have buyer’s remorse after everything I spend my money on and think, "that money could have gone towards the house."
There’s no conflict like internal conflict.
I’m glad you decided to go to Essence. I’m going as well. Its an experience you have to have!
Hole up! Decided? I’m still beating myself up! LOL! That don’t sound very decided to me… that sounds, um, pensive… tentative…
Comment by Serenity23 — April 29, 2008 @ 6:38 am
Spending on gifts is one area that I really need to cut back on. I could easily spend $100 per family birthday…I have to think of thoughtful gifts…and now I’m also trying to purchase consumable products!
I don’t know what it is about gifts that makes me want to break the bank. Money is STILL an object, no matter how much I love the recipient, but it’s like I just want to take one for the team in the name of love. That is not cool for my wallet.
Comment by SavingDiva — April 29, 2008 @ 11:27 am
Don’t feel guilty about spending, as long as it’s done in moderation. Most of the time we have to give up something to get what we want. So try to devise a plan on what to splurge and what to cut back on so it can all balance out
Re: the italicized, I hear that - wasn’t even thinking about that, but I hear that. Guess that’s something I’ll have to get used to…
Comment by Moneymonk — April 29, 2008 @ 12:11 pm
Hi Sistah Ant! I don’t think I’ve commented here before… but I found you through Single Ma and have been reading for the past few months.
I think you should take a proper vacation (doesn’t have to be luxury!) once a year… it’s doing somthing good for yourself, which I think can get lost in the whole-must-save-or-else-I-will-starve-at-80 mentality (which, though I am 23, I still have sometimes). I think it’s true that people rarely regret spending on experiences.
Hi, and thanks for coming and commenting, Well Heeled. I do know that sometimes being too frugal can backfire, because you could wind up blowing a wad because of some sense of deprivation. Maybe blowing off a little steam in New Orleans will keep me from doing something worse.
Comment by Well-Heeled — April 29, 2008 @ 10:36 pm
I think the internal struggle you’re having is normal. A major part of achieving your goals is deciding what is important to YOU. Is that trip to N.O. an experience you will treasure for many years to come? Is buying your mom a game system something she will value and always remember for many birthdays? Give both questions some thought and they will help you decide how best to spend your money.
If the opportunity cost is too steep, it may not be worth the sacrifice. But ’sometimes’ a slight detour adds value to the journey of achieving the ultimate goal.
For example, in my case, although I didn’t go all out for Christmas when I was saving, I did buy my daughter ONE gift - a $250 flute. That year, she made first chair and had her first solo. When we finally moved into our house, she was unpacking boxes in her room and the first thing she put on the wall was a picture of her band mates when they placed second in the state competition. That moment was just as important to her as buying the house was for me.
So again, allow room for things that will add value to the journey, instead of just focusing on the end result.
Thanks for that - it gives me more perspective. And from this perspective, I’m certain that I won’t regret going on this trip.
Comment by Single Ma — May 2, 2008 @ 6:42 pm