The Hustle of Sistah Ant

The income gap between black and white families is getting wider, from generation to generation.

For various reasons, the income disparity between black and white families is wider now than it was before I was born.  And despite the achievements by many blacks who’ve managed to carve out middle class status for themselves over the past 30 years, two-thirds of their children wind up making less than their parents do.  I personally think that some of the big culprits are a lack of financial education and hindrances within our culture.  

Culturally, it’s been my personal experience that working and middle class black people find it rude to talk about money unless they’re joking or complaining about being broke.  There’s something to be said for that - bragging about financial success is not very becoming.  That said, folks can talk about money without either bragging or begging.  There’s nothing wrong with asking each other questions or giving each other tips, as long as it’s with people you know and trust, and there’s no rudeness involved.  Honestly, that’s why I’m online now.  I like to talk about money.  But in real life, people I know don’t want to do that, so I come online to find like-minded individuals from whom I can learn, and with whom I can share my journey in the hopes of encouraging others.

Outside of this forum, there aren’t many other opportunities for me to talk about retirement, debt reduction, or similar subjects.  People would rather talk about current events, the weather, even religion, before they talk about money, perhaps because it might force them to examine their own shortcomings or knowledge gaps.   But if we don’t learn these things in school, and our parents’ knowledge or practice is limited, how will we learn how to be financially healthy, wealthy, and wise if not from each other?  Especially when a person moves from blue collar to white collar status, or from middle class to rich, there are always higher echelons of financial knowledge to discover in order to retain and build upon your financial progress, for your sake and the sake of your children. 

It’s particularly distressing to hear that black middle class parents are not successfully hoisting their children to a higher level of financial wellbeing.  This doesn’t just apply to black people, either, but I’m addressing it this way because of the context of the article, and because as a black woman headed for financial success, I have a vested interest in the financial well being of my black family and friends.  What are they teaching their kids?  Conspicuous consumption?  Dependency on Mom and Dad?  Or nothing at all, in the hopes their kids will learn how to be responsible by osmosis?

Financial wellness should be as much a part of the upbringing of our children as morals, manners, cleanliness, and academics.  A child leaving home for college should already know how to keep a checking account, how to stay current with bills, how to budget, the utility of saving, and how credit cards, reports, and scores work.  Otherwise, due to mindless consumption and bad money management, attempting to pass wealth from generation to generation will continue to be like pouring water into a colander.  I recognize that the study cites racism as part of the problem.  But racism was a problem when black folks were making more in comparison to whites than we are now.  Racism is not the only problem.  We need to be more proactive in maintaining the habits that foster wealth building, and that includes talking about it - learning and sharing our knowledge with each other and our kids.

Relationships like my relationship with my best friend, Sistah Beginner, and Serenity23 and Single Ma’s relationships with their children are good starts.  Let’s build on that.

One of my biggest faults is that I am judgmental and I think I know everydamnthing.  I am that friend that you don’t tell your stories to when you don’t want a lecture.  I’ve been trying to get better at it, ‘cause this bad trait of mine has endangered some of my most treasured friendships.  It’s just so hard for me to watch people make (what seem to me to be obvious) mistakes.  Unsolicited advice is the worst.  I’ve found that it’s best for me to try to hold back.  But sometimes I do it without thinking, despite my best efforts.  And despite my good intentions sometimes I’m downright rude.

I was at my girlfriend’s house (another friend, not Sistah Beginner) helping her unpack some boxes.  Everytime I thought I was done unpacking the DVDs, here she came with another box to unpack.  As I put them on the shelves, I started thinking, 5 of these were about $100.  This is hundreds of dollars of stuff.  No, wait - this is thousands of dollars of stuff.  Man, do you know what kind of damage I could do to my debt with that kind of money?  I’d be months into my down payment savings if I had that kind of money.  And WITHOUT THINKING, I turned to my girlfriend and said, "How much do you have saved for the down payment for your house?"

It was totally a rhetorical question - I didn’t really want her to even answer, I just wanted her to think about how spending money affects your ability to save.  She had this look on her face like, "Shooot, I don’t know."  And I realized I’d better tell her that I didn’t really want her to answer, so I did.  But then I added, "Do you know how much all these movies cost?  It’s like, thousands of dollars."  She really didn’t want to think about it that way, but then she mentioned that a lot of them were bought on sale - 5 for $20 and the like.  And between herself and her husband, they’ve had some for years.  And they didn’t have cable for months, so what were they supposed to do?  I let it go.  They are grown.  They’re still renting at over $1K a month, but they are grown.  And hey, maybe they have a great nest egg going.  It’s NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

I shoulda kept my mouth shut.

I’m glad she still loves me.   She didn’t get mad or anything, but it probably would have been better if I’d kept that little observation to myself.  Everybody ain’t cut out to be cheap like me.  Life is short - and I even need to live a little.

I’ll try to do better.