brokeness
Well, after being paid, I paid:
- half my rent (my landlord is prorating the rent for October because I’m moving in the middle of this month),
- my car payment,
- my credit card balance (I’m using my credit card instead of my debit card, then paying the balance off at the end of each month),
- and $250 extra dollars above the payment I’d already made in September on my old credit card debt (this comes from the money saved on rent).
Once all this was accomplished, I was broke. I don’t get paid again until late next week. From the meager balance I had left over, I’ve already eaten out once, purchased groceries, and filled a prescription. I am even more broke. LOL! But it’s OK that I’m broke, because I’ve done everything that needs to have been done regarding necessities. I have gas in my tank, food in the fridge, all my needs are met, and I do still have a little money for whatever incidentals may arise.
However, let me clarify a few things. I have adjusted my concept of "broke." When I say that I’m broke, what that really means is that I don’t have much money left over in the amount I’m allowing myself to spend. If an emergency pops up, I do have a small emergency fund. I also have a minimum deposit and a buffer against fees sitting in the bank accounts that I haven’t closed yet (because I’m avoiding bank fees while waiting for automatic transactions to switch to my credit union account). When I’m talking about brokeness, I’m really talking about self-restraint. Psychologically, it’s uncomfortable to look in my checking account and see less than $100, but I’d rather have applied my windfall to debt repayment than to my psychological comfort. However, it requires discipline and self-restraint to actually act on that reasoning, and then deal with the consequences of sending most of my money to my creditor instead of keeping it for myself to spend.
Thing is, look where it gets me: my net worth has increased by over $1,000, again! My old credit card debt is down by over $800 this September! It’s exciting to see that I’ve paid off about half of my old credit card debt, and that so far I’ve gotten 11% closer to a positive net worth - that number is in the double digits for the first time! That is a huge boost for my psychological comfort, watching my debt drop. The brokeness is worth it. I can survive having less than $100 for less than two weeks - I did go to college, after all, where I majored in real (not self-imposed) brokeness. It might get tough in the last few days, depending on what comes my way in the next few weeks, but I know I can make it.
