cordially invited
I just received a wedding invitation over the weekend. Now I knew this wedding was coming, but I wasn’t apprised of the date until I received the invitation. The wedding is on the 25th of this month. I also didn’t know that going to this wedding would require a road trip to Maryland. In addition, there was an insert in the invitation that advised that the couple has not registered for any gifts, but monetary gifts would be appreciated.
A few problems here:
Some people, myself included, need more than two weeks’ notice before a roadtrip that will likely require the expenses of eating out and filling the gas tank, because they budget a month at a time, not paycheck-by-paycheck. Luckily for me, this is a special month where I get three paychecks instead of two. This gives me enough flexibility to make attending this wedding possible.
Finally, I’ve heard from both sides on the argument of whether or not couples should ask for money or gifts in their wedding invitations. To my friends’ credit, the request was not on the actual invitation. It was on a small card inserted into the envelope. That said, I have no plans to give the couple a monetary gift, and I am a little peeved that I should feel pressured to do so, though I’m sure that’s not the couple’s intention. However, that is the effect a request for a monetary gift has, especially when it’s put together with the admonition that they haven’t registered, so you "can’t get them a gift." The problem isn’t cheapness. The problem is that I’m halfway into the month already, and there is no line item in my budget for "give friends cash for their wedding." What flexibility I do have is going towards the gas it will take to get there and back, and a very pretty drugstore card, since they don’t want gifts. Otherwise, I would be sacrificing fiscal discipline and debt repayment, which are very important to me. However, if I’m able to carpool with other friends, I may be able to free up some money for a monetary gift, if I cave in and don’t refuse to do so on principle. (I will probably cave.)
Lessons learned:
When I get married, I will save the date at least 3-6 months in advance with my guests, and let them know if special travel or lodging will be necessary by letting them know the location at that time. Because I would also rather not register for stuff that would clutter my house (my parents got three toasters 33 years ago), I will also put an insert in my invitation that will read something like this: "In lieu of gifts, the bride and groom only request the treasured gift of your presence." Some people will still give gifts or money if they feel like it, whether or not I register, and even if I say this, but maybe I’ll get less stuff (and maybe even more money) in the process. Plus, I’ll manage to not look like I’m panhandling my guests.
Did I read correctly, two weeks notice? And it is in another state? HUH!! there is something wrong with that picture.
Comment by tiredofbeingbroke — August 14, 2007 @ 11:29 am
They should have given their out of town guests at least 6 weeks notice. Anything less is really inconsiderate. I’d be hard pressed to fund the trip, much less buy a gift to boot. But you’re in luck! It is acceptable practice to send the couple a gift (even monetary) up to 6 months after the wedding. No rush, no pressure.
Have fun!
Comment by Single Ma — August 14, 2007 @ 9:26 pm
I say a 1 month cushion is good. Long story short Don’t go and send $20 bucks. LOL
I was invited to a wedding out of town. By the time I added the airfare, gift, new dress, hotel stay and food expenses. Whoa… I said nevermind. I just gave them a gift card from Crate and Barrel, some things are not worth it.
Comment by moneymonk — August 14, 2007 @ 11:12 pm
Don’t get them anything. Clearly you weren’t in the first round of invitations and because they couldn’t be sure you were going to make the first round, they never told you to save the date.
Send them good wishes in card and then re-evaluate who these people are in your life and try not to be bent out of shape about it. Best advice I can give. Good luck.
Comment by mapgirl — August 15, 2007 @ 4:02 pm
Hmph, I’d expect at least two months’ notice for something that requires much travel because who on earth has the flexibility in their scheduling AND budget to just pick up and go? No one I know! I think Mapgirl’s right that it was so late because you weren’t on the A list; if that’s the case I’m not sure I’d stress about going.
Comment by msminiducky — August 20, 2007 @ 12:18 pm
Actually, the invitations just weren’t done until the last minute. They didn’t have a date until the last minute (it’s a casual wedding, no hall/church/hotel rental required a date). You and Mapgirl have overestimated the preparedness of the happy couple. They’d been promising invitations for months and JUST managed to squeak them out, because this place is a relatively last-minute thing.
Comment by Sistah Ant — August 20, 2007 @ 12:39 pm