cordially invited
I just received a wedding invitation over the weekend. Now I knew this wedding was coming, but I wasn’t apprised of the date until I received the invitation. The wedding is on the 25th of this month. I also didn’t know that going to this wedding would require a road trip to Maryland. In addition, there was an insert in the invitation that advised that the couple has not registered for any gifts, but monetary gifts would be appreciated.
A few problems here:
Some people, myself included, need more than two weeks’ notice before a roadtrip that will likely require the expenses of eating out and filling the gas tank, because they budget a month at a time, not paycheck-by-paycheck. Luckily for me, this is a special month where I get three paychecks instead of two. This gives me enough flexibility to make attending this wedding possible.
Finally, I’ve heard from both sides on the argument of whether or not couples should ask for money or gifts in their wedding invitations. To my friends’ credit, the request was not on the actual invitation. It was on a small card inserted into the envelope. That said, I have no plans to give the couple a monetary gift, and I am a little peeved that I should feel pressured to do so, though I’m sure that’s not the couple’s intention. However, that is the effect a request for a monetary gift has, especially when it’s put together with the admonition that they haven’t registered, so you "can’t get them a gift." The problem isn’t cheapness. The problem is that I’m halfway into the month already, and there is no line item in my budget for "give friends cash for their wedding." What flexibility I do have is going towards the gas it will take to get there and back, and a very pretty drugstore card, since they don’t want gifts. Otherwise, I would be sacrificing fiscal discipline and debt repayment, which are very important to me. However, if I’m able to carpool with other friends, I may be able to free up some money for a monetary gift, if I cave in and don’t refuse to do so on principle. (I will probably cave.)
Lessons learned:
When I get married, I will save the date at least 3-6 months in advance with my guests, and let them know if special travel or lodging will be necessary by letting them know the location at that time. Because I would also rather not register for stuff that would clutter my house (my parents got three toasters 33 years ago), I will also put an insert in my invitation that will read something like this: "In lieu of gifts, the bride and groom only request the treasured gift of your presence." Some people will still give gifts or money if they feel like it, whether or not I register, and even if I say this, but maybe I’ll get less stuff (and maybe even more money) in the process. Plus, I’ll manage to not look like I’m panhandling my guests.
