attitude
My mom and I were talking about how I wasn’t feeling well this evening, and she asked me what I’d eaten today. I told her nothing out of the ordinary - the same breakfast and lunch I’ve been eating for about the past two weeks, so it probably wasn’t the food or any hunger that made me feel ill. I could hear her nose wrinkle over the phone as if something didn’t smell good, so I defended my daily lunch. I told her about how I keep washed and chopped romaine lettuce, salad toppings, and precooked, precut chicken at work so that I can fix salads for lunch. Now, my mom is NOT a person who equates salad with an actual meal. But I think what actually annoyed her was my assertion that doing that is cheaper than regular priced frozen dinners or going out every day for lunch. I told her that when you have as much debt as I do, you need to save money where you can.
As if she’d been holding it in over time and simply couldn’t hold it anymore, she said matter-of-factly, "You’re going to be in debt for the rest of your life."
I countered, "No, I’m NOT."
"Yes you are."
"No. I’M NOT."
"Well, you’re always going to have to pay someone. If you get a mortgage, you’ll owe that."
"Not forever. One day I’ll pay it off."
"Well there are always taxes and utilities."
"That’s not the same as debt. It’s payment for a service. I’d still own my own stuff. And I’m NOT going to be in debt forever. I’m paying every debt I have." At this point, I was frustrated with her. Here I am, reading and planning and budgeting my behind off, doing my best to get on solid economic footing, and she’s undermining my effort, as if to say it’s all for nothing. You know, just ‘cause she has debt but no retirement or savings doesn’t mean I want to be like her, I was thinking. I’m trying not to be like her, facing a mortgage that might outlive me, I thought.
"Yeah, well, you’re doing something about your debt, so why are you so worried about it?"
"I’m not worried about it… I’m… on top of it."
"Then why does it come up every time you talk to me?"
"Because I’m staying on top of it."
"Mm hmm. Well, I suppose it’s healthier for you, anyway. I still can’t see how you eat the same thing every day."
Now don’t get my mom wrong and out of context. She is my best friend, my most faithful encourager, and a phenomenally good and caring person. We have a healthy and close relationship. She may just be a little tired of hearing me talk about money - she may be worried that the money is driving me, when really I’m trying to keep that from being the case. But later that evening, on the way to pick up some takeout, the exchange floated back to me as a bitter echo. If I resign myself to the idea that since I’ll always be paying someone, it doesn’t make a difference whether or not I’ll always be in debt, then I will have already given up the good fight. To me, paying off debt is an important, worthy goal. I am passionate about it because I see how excessive debt can hamper one’s ability to enjoy the fruits of their labor. You can’t do this, you can’t do that - because you have debts to pay. This restriction can run a spectrum from being able to get takeout on a whim to being able to leave a job that makes you miserable. It’s already keeping me from the house I want so very badly. I want to rule my financial decisions - I don’t want old debt doing that for me. I think it’s much better for me to try to tackle as much of my debt as I can in my youth so that I can chart my own path as I grow older and face various opportunities. I don’t want to work for "other people," my creditors, for the total prime of my life. My parents work for other people. They get into debt, pay it down, run it back up… never, EVER, do they pay it all off and attempt to keep it that way. And as a result, all of their life decisions are limited, because their liquid assets are limited, because they limit their own means with their attitude towards debt. Debt doesn’t have to be inevitable or ever-present.
It will not be ever-present for me.
If what I have is an obsession, it’s one I’m proud to have. If you can call what I have worry, then be glad it is over financial well being and not over this season’s hottest expensive handbag. I have a committed, life changing outlook on my finances - the right attitude. And I’m getting out of debt.
